Hacks For Parents of Pre-Teens And Teens

Key points

• Inappropriate behaviour is a perfectly natural part of adolescent development. This stage is usually brief.
• Positive communication, strong relationships, and clear family rules can help you avoid or deal with disrespect.
• It’s better to avoid arguing, defending yourself, and nagging.

Indeed, these very true these words are. Till the son is 5 years old one should pamper him. When he crosses 5 and up to 10 years of age, you should be watching him carefully, spanking him if need be. (Tadayet means spanking BTW). That is because the period between 5 to 10 years also happens to be the one where we need to discipline them. 

However, the latter part elucidates that once that child turns 16 years of age he should be treated like a friend. Meaning he should be treated as you might treat another grown-up, treating him like a friend whose opinion matters equally.

So, in case you are wondering what’s up with me today and why have, I started writing about such a sensitive issue, well one needs to address the elephant in the room at some time. 

Are you a parent who is as worried as I am, trying to decipher and understand the changing hues of the behaviour of your pre-teen and teenage kids?

Certainly. It not only gets overwhelming at times to glide through the mood transitions because of age smoothly, but it is also sometimes daunting to be there at that spot, resonating through with their thought processes, accommodating and justifying their mindsets and most importantly, explaining them everything. 

Well, then this article is my attempt at pointing out those sensitive qualms which we all who have kids have been harbouring for some time but find difficult to approach. 

Let us first try and approach the challenges radically based on the growing age patterns

Preteens

Aka the age group of say around 9 to 12 years, these young champs are those stars in the making who seem to be true ‘curious cats’. As much as you may try, you can never satiate their curiosity, neither can you control the humongous amount of energy they carry within their tiny selves.

Result? An overzealous young man or little lady, full of questions and a seemingly infinite amount of energy, turning towards possible mischief-making and notoriety when denied the same.

The Core Challenges Of This Age

Usually, when kids are in the age bracket between 9 to 12, especially in the upward years like 12 and onwards they kinda change quite a bit, I feel. For starters, you certainly cannot treat them like “kids”. Neither is it possible to give them that equal shoulder akin to an adult. Coz there are still many “ideas” you still will be at loggerheads to explain and give them a clear idea about. So, how to tackle this one?

Teens

These, I strongly feel are another species. Fast reaching the throngs of puberty, this group best not be meddled with I’d say. Firstly, wanting to do things their way, they seldom will display the patience to hear you out, always itching to be rebellious enough to go in the opposite direction. Well, growing pains you see is exactly this. Even if they want to, they just will not be able to muster enough patience to do your bidding even if it is directed towards their well-being and goodwill. Instead, you will be encountered by some tough resistance (which obviously you cannot spank or punish them to overcome). Leads to nothing but a blocked kind of communication chains and burnt boats as far as approachability goes, this is, I feel the trickiest of all.

The Core Challenges Of This Age

See, it is not like you cannot attempt to explain to this age group. They will hear you out. But, the approach has to be really viable, mature and out of the box. It is not like they will always agree with your point of view. Murky waters again peep. Problematic scenarios in this one yeah? 

1. Solution

So, how to solve this issue? Simple. Get more rational and resonating. Address every issue sensitively, taking into account the child’s perception and viewpoint too.

Sometimes, in the biggest of the problems lies the solution, surreptitiously hidden all the time, yet waiting to be called upon at will. It is important first to take into account and understand that with a growing child you cannot continue doing what you have probably been doing until now. My ways of disciplining are one thing I’d say and spanking a completely another one, not needed at all if truth be told. There is always a simple way to establish a friendly chain of communication to make the child understand what you intend to let them know and also ensure that he does what is right. So, we thought of getting together a few to-do’s that we as parents can keep in mind as useful hacks to help us deal with these growing pains of our Pre-teen and teenage kids.

Solution Time For Kids/Pre-Teens

2. Talking

First and foremost, talk to your child. It is always said that talking always addresses 80% of the issues and solves the majority of the problems on the spot. Not addressing the elephant makes matters worse, I’d say.

3. Refrain From Denial

Never say a ‘No’ immediately. There might be instances you may want to refuse a particular object or allowance to the child. However, be tactful if you wish to deny them the same. Understand that his perception of gaining their object/allowance is an urge/need which is not backed up by your logical reasoning but rather his own fads and fallacies of doing the same.

4. Positive Options

Try giving options to allow his/her focus to shift from the challenge at hand to more options. For instance, instead of using a harsh negation like “You are not allowed to your friend’s house after 7 pm ”try saying“ Don’t you think its safer to venture home at least by twilight? That way we can also have our dinner and fun conversations together without having to miss TV too!!”. Bingo. Point taken and that too in a subtler tone so that when he/she realizes the value of managing time as well as your parental concerns on venturing out till late he has a backup pacifier in the mind already sitting, thanks to that idea you implanted in his/her head of that “Tv time”.

Just Chill” Remember, as they are growing, they do not like to be admonished in public. Ensure you never spank them, especially in front of other people as this does more harm than good. Not only will they be de-motivated to do anything next time you don’t want that anger spewing all around the place within their hearts monstrously causing them to harm mentally, do you?

5. Make Friends

Making friends with them is the best possible way to ensure you share an equal footing with them and also resonate with them better. A child who realizes that their parent is easily approachable as well as flexible enough to listen to their point of view will always get along well with the parent, sharing all their ideas and vision.

6. No Blame Game

And lastly, remember – your child is YOUR WORLD and also YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Never blame others for what happens in their lives on other people. We often hear parents complaining “This X kid you know who is in my child’s company has influenced him wrongly… and so on”. Whatever it is, we as parents have to assume complete charge and responsibility for our own child’s discretion and future. So, ensure you refrain from this cancel culture habit, simply chastising another to do away with your negligence.

7. For Teens

Time Out: Very important. Give these charged young men/women an alone/downtime. A bit of privacy is important to be given at this stage t make them feel that they are grown up, giving them some time to collect both their own thoughts as well as reflect upon what you say.

Boundary Setting: Yes, it is important to not let the rein completely with these chaps. A certain amount of control and regulation is necessary to handle the reins of the horse successfully. Keep flexibility, yet also set some limitations to ensure the perfect equilibrium as per the situation and its importance. Negotiate where possible, but also make sure to set your foot down and not give in wherever essential.

8. Not Giving In

Remember, whatever happens, don’t give in to bad behaviour. If you do so, they will use this ruse more often to even get their unreasonable demands met, which is not what you want right? Don’t reinforce wrong habits.

9. Listening

Very essential again this one. Only talking cannot always help. Sometimes, just hearing these young people out makes a lot of difference. They just need an ear to be heard guys. Give it to them and a majority of their issues are solved on the spot.

10. Stay Calm

Remember, in any crisis, the most important thing remains to stay calm. You losing it alongside them will only complicate issues, adding fuel to the fire.

11. Express Your Love

Finally, whether it is pre-teens or teens, it is very important to express your love. Remember, the language of love is the most important form of communication you have with your family, especially your children.

Parenting is a tricky business, I agree. But with the right, friendly approach as well as a positive attitude you can bridge the gender gap and ensure a smooth flow of life as well as communication between you and your teen, benefitting him as well as you for the betterment of both.

So, hope you guys liked this article on hacks for parents to deal with the growing pains of Pre-teens and teens. Do let us know in the comments below what you think of these hacks. Keep tuned in for more exciting content related to entertainment, travel, food, tech and gadgets, lifestyle, as well as all things bookish. Only her at Booxoul, India’s best book review and lifestyle blog.

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Taddaaa!!